Camp

When I was about 10, I went to camp for a couple of weeks. Reportedly, after I was gone about three days, my dad looked around and said “where’s Amanda?”

I’ve never been sure why my mother felt the need to burden me with that information.

teeth

When I was 16 or 17, I took myself to the dentist. It was the first time I had been in 7 years. I have no idea why at age 9 or 10, my mom stopped taking me. No employment (thus insurance) changes happened then. And dad wasn’t drinking then.

I had thirteen cavities. I then took myself to the dentist on the bus every week all summer on my one day off from work. And I paid.

I continue to go about every 7 years. Right now I have a popped off cap and I’m putting off going. The part underneath is like a really short, slightly sharp tooth. It’s not so bad like that.

Stuff

I’m going back to school so I can take a pay cut and work in a preschool. My bills are paid off, and if I don’t like it, by then it will be time to retire.

These child development classes bring up interesting memories. For example, we were discussing how the teachers are often the first to notice physical problems, such as bad eyesight.

I remembered: in the third grade, the teacher would write stuff on the board. I couldn’t quite see it, so I would ask the girl next to me. At first I was getting in trouble for talking in class, but then the teacher figured it out.

The teacher told my mom she should get my eyes checked.

My mom said….

“Oh she doesn’t need glasses.”

At the beginning of the next year, I got glasses. I don’t remember how we got to that point. But I remember mom saying “oh no did I ruin her eyesight more?”

No mom, you just ripped me off of half a year’s good learning. No wonder I don’t know where Nebraska is…

family

my mother came to visit for two weeks, a few weeks ago. I hadn’t seen much of her the last few years. We discussed some things. I asked her, regarding my father, which part of the “married man with three kids, living with them on the same lot as his parents”, was appealing to her?

Or maybe it was the “15 years older than her” or the “abusive to his first wife” that caught her eye.

We also discussed my half-twin. He has the same mom as the above mentioned three kids. Except he’s three weeks younger than me, and I never heard of him until our dad died when I was 37. At which point we looked at the paperwork and said “who’s this guy?” and mom said “oh he’s not really your father’s, she just said he was and named him after him.”

A few years later the oldest of my half brothers arranged a meeting between me and my half twin. I had no idea what to expect. I walked up to the restaurant and saw… my father. Who had been dead for five years. Who I had not spoken to for the last 15 years of his life.

I thought I was going to vomit.

Over the years we have gotten acquainted. He’s very nice. A lot like me. Really screwed up.

Anyway. Mom hid a whole person from us. This explains why my dad’s family did not like us. Why I don’t know my half-nephews and nieces, never went to a wedding or a birthday party. Why we never went to my grandparent’s anniversaries.

Apparently, mom threw a fit and kept all kinds of people away. My dad was in a band, too, but she put a stop to that.

Not that he was a nice man. He beat the crap out of her three times a week from the time I was zero to 7, and 13-17. (Yes, he stopped drinking and hitting during my “latency period” as Freud put it. I think we might have had a relationship then. I forget.)

So my mom was visiting. I was trying to get her to stop calling my oldest half brother “the evil one” for introducing me to my half twin.

She mentioned that the time when I was born was the worst time in her life.

I told her I would have advised a person in that position (19, pregnant by her married boss who was 15 years older) to have an abortion.

fun stuff.