ugh
On March 23, after saying goodnight to my boyfriend (who was staying up a bit) but before going to bed, I happened to rest my hand on top of my right breast, and felt… something. Yes definitely something. What the HELL is that? Where did that come from? It’s the size of a shooter marble. Or bigger.
I thought back a couple of weeks to getting some signs of PMS for the first time in oh a year maybe (I did menopause with no doctors a few years ago) and hoped it was just that. I managed to get to sleep. I woke up and recalled it.
I spent the day at work checking it and rechecking it until it hurt. Pain is not a sign of cancer. I also looked up signs of cancer.
That evening I started to tell my boyfriend twice, changed my mind, and then finally did tell him. He didn’t freak out, was supportive and talked me out of postponing calling the doc for a week because of some stuff I have to do.
So I found it on a Sunday and called for an appointment on Tuesday. They offered me the following Tuesday. I put it off two days due to stuff I have to do. The lady said that was okay.
I was fine for a few days but I sort of fell apart this weekend thinking of how I finally have things I want to do in life, and worrying about what would happen to my boyfriend, if I turn out to be the 1 in 10 women who find lumps where the lump is cancer.
Cause this thing is huge 
I’m gonna keep this as a draft for now, at least until after I see the doc. I’ll add to it and publish it later. Hopefully I’ll be adding “he said it was just PMS.”
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It’s now the night before I go to the doctor. It’s like driving around with your oil light on and trying not to panic.
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Well I saw the doc. He did not say much. I’m to get a mammogram and ultrasound. He was sure enough that I’d then need a biopsy that he told me to walk across the hall and make an appointment. The ladies there said I had to wait until I at least had the appointment scheduled for the mammogram, because the biopsy (needle) doctor needs to see it.
I’m posting this now. Y’all are the first to hear after my boyfriend. Wish me luck please.
Everything will work out, no matter what this all means.
Wow. Glad your boyfriend talked you into calling ASAP. And since it’s relatively big it sounds like it’s a new something or other, which means it hasn’t been sitting there for a long time, which is a good thing. And those f’ing doctors should do all this shit in 24 hours, as far as I’m concerned. The run-around is an inappropriate medical procedure.
Sending you a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a prayer that whatever you have to do is easy and simple and painless. XO
Thank you both so much. I’m trying to focus on these positive thoughts from you guys.
I stayed home “sick” today because stress upset my digestion. I felt better immediately after emailing in. It’s a backyard mental health day, a nice sunny one with yellow birds at the feeder.