It’s Official
It’s a measure of how distracted I am, that I thought I already posted something about this.
One of my “team members” phoned me Monday at work about 4pm and gave me the official results of the biopsy. Yep, Cancer, and it’s in the lymph nodes. I’ll find out what they want to do to me and when, maybe this afternoon. I already have two more appointments after that with more of my “team.”
Yesterday I had an MRI. I took one of the xanax the doc prescribed on Monday for it. It was kind of okay for the MRI, helped me not move around, but I don’t like it so I don’t think I’ll be taking the other ones. I don’t get why people take these on purpose for fun. It made me feel blank, and then just made me sleep the rest of the afternoon.
They have a therapeutic dog that that a lady brought around for people to pet in the waiting room. It was a corgi.
This is supposed to be about the worst time for me emotionally from what I’ve read. I can’t concentrate on work hardly at all which sucks cause it’s time for a bunch of annual hard stuff.
I emailed three of my bosses, and one of the few people here I like with the excuse that he’s involved in human resources. I heard back from him right away. I heard back from my “foster boss” the next day. The “big cheese” and my real boss have not given any indication they received the email.
I have a friend who works in a closely associated department who I didn’t tell about this because I was hoping it would just go away. Now she’s on vacation. I don’t want to ruin her vacation, I don’t want her to get it in email from someone else, so I asked that it not be passed around. So I can’t really talk to anyone about it.
I did tell one classmate in each of the classes I had so far, and my mom, my brother her son, and one of my half brothers via email. My half bro is on vacation in Vegas and I expect to see him at my door 5 hours after he gets that email.
I’m giving too many clues to my whereabouts these days but what the hell.
I’ve been feeling nauseous every day for months due to work stress and now this. Makes it hard to get to work in the morning. God knows how I’ll get through chemo. Maybe I’ll lose some weight?
Ugh
Thanks for all your support. I’m such a geek that it really really helps to have strangers on the internet on my side.
As usual, your writing is so clear and succinct, absent from confusing emotion, that I could almost pretend you’re handling this really well and it’s not a big deal! You’re freaking amazing. I think I’d more likely expect sobs and snot to come through the keyboard:)
I just keep hoping you caught it really early. My step-sister recently had a very similar situation, cancer in the same places, and she’s come through it all with apparent ease. She was promoted to chief of police just after finding out she had to do chemo and even was able to work through part of it.
As far as being a geek, I think it’s easier a lot of the time to talk to people this way — no facial expressions, no body in the way — it seems so much simpler.
And what an American female response: “Maybe I’ll lose some weight!” God help us all:)
xoxo
The weight loss comment was somewhat facetious but… yeah.
Most of the sobs and snot happen when I’m in the shower or walking around in random parking lots at work so it’s not getting on the keyboard, but I’m thinking of blogging about all the stuff that makes me cry.
I’m glad and heartened to hear about your sister.
Thanks
oxox
Hey, The Mayor of Lemonland is on your side!
http://www.lemonland.org (my breast cancer site).
I found your blog while looking for breast cancer entries. I have a few friends who have been through this that would be happy to be your stranger internet friends too and help explain this strange world you’ve just been re-routed to. Your wit is so refreshing to read. I wish you all the best!
Thanks for the kind words and wishes, and welcome!