Things that make me cry
After I found the lump, but before the mammogram, I went to the art museum for class. After the group tour I went back in, looked at the landscapes for another hour, and teared up every 7 minutes. The staff gave me a lot of space.
I have been obsessing over how to tell certain friends, and thinking of doing it makes me cry.
When we walked in to get an MRI the other morning, a man walking away had red eyes and seemed to be almost crying. That made me cry but I stopped it because we were in public.
Thinking of my boyfriend, if I leave him, makes me cry. This is my main motive for fighting, I cannot do that to him. Dammit. Just a second.
I will sit in my office for two hours every morning breathing deeply and attempting to focus and/or calm down. Then I will go on a break, get into the sunshine, cry for 130 seconds, and then feel better.
Whenever anyone is nice to me, it makes me cry, but only if they can’t see me do it.
I cry in the shower. I learned this when my mom was in intensive care for 6 weeks and I lived with her mother. I didn’t want to upset grandma so I cried in the shower. wtf.
Now I also cry on Sunday mornings in bed with my boyfriend holding me.
As I read this it completely took me back to being pregnant and finding out that the boyfriend was HIV-positive, thinking I probably was too, not telling anyone in the office and thinking the world was ending.
21 years later it’s all good. Remember that this will more than likely happen in your situation, also!
If I were to look into a crystal ball and try to imagine why this is happening to you, I see that it’s making you connect to the world and those around you in ways that you haven’t been previously. And that’s a great thing.
I see you as this person who asks for nothing much for yourself, as evidenced by your concern for the boyfriend more even than for you. And that’s beautiful:) Somewhere along the way I hope you start to care for yourself, too. The bastards of our pasts taught us that we’re not important, but they’re fucking liars.
God, I hope I’m not over-stepping! I sound like such an f’ing know it all!
Not at all. I welcome your input. Also I love comments almost as much as you do
You’re right about connecting…. I have talked to more people this week about myself than in ages, at my appointments, on the internet, in my classes, and at work.