I couldn’t make this stuff up.

The cliff notes for my job:

I have a “real boss,” Bubba, who has not spoken to me more than “hello, here’s that stuff” for years. I cleaned up the web site, and Bubba told someone he was busy answering calls because of all the information I destroyed. I knew how many calls he was getting and often eavesdropped, so I knew it was a lie. I mentioned this to crazy web lady (Imelda) who I was still friends with at that time. She mentioned it to the big boss (Cheesy). Imelda claimed that Cheesy  wanted me to offer to answer Bubba’s phone. I did. It felt like a dare. They gave him a new “real” line to give out selectively because his time is so important blah blah blah.

After this happened, they gave me a “foster boss” (Swell Guy). Swell Guy went from easygoing to hardass, with nothing in between, about a year ago, and made me sign a paper about my job. We fought some.

Then I got cancer. Swell Guy and I met with another person in June about my telecommuting schedule. We have not had a conversation since. He sent me one email in the fall about some spreadsheet. He sort of winces and smiles when I see him in the hallway. I quit responding to that, putting him on a list with Bubba, Imelda, and Cheesy. (As well as Betty Boop who is not this story.)

Today, Bubba’s phone rang. This happens about once a week and is usually about newspaper subscriptions. I looked at the phone and it said it was coming from Swell Guy.

I answered the phone and Swell Guy said “what are you doing answering Bubba’s phone?” I told him I’d been answering it for years, and offered to give him Bubba’s real number. He said “no, I’ll just walk two doors down and talk to him. How are you?” (Yes, he’s two doors away from Bubba.)

I said “Okay.”

He then started blathering and I just let him go on. He said “You look good, I mean, I see you around in the hallways, and you look good, ** well why don’t you give me Bubba’s real line”.

I said the number.

He repeated it and blathered a bit more. When he was done and about to hang up, I said “bye”.

** He did not pause here for me to say anything. Hopefully he realized how lame it is. He’s supposed to be my boss, he signs my time sheets, I have been in cancer treatment since May… and he has “seen me in the hallway.”

Supervision by not being around, that’s how they roll.