Lost in the embrace of Amanda Lynn

About

I love that song. But that’s all I will say about me. I’m hoping not to get dooced.

If you figure out who I am, please drop me a line, before I say something we will all regret.

3 Responses

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  1. Denise said, on May 21, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    Heh there,

    Your story sounds so familiar to mine. I had no idea. My breast shape was changing. I went to my GP and before you knew it I was having biopsies, ultrasounds, MRI, Bone Scan, pelvic ultrasound, needles, needles, needles, and, of course, cancer – aggressive, advanced, 7cm lymph node involvement (1.2cm clump). etc.

    I have just completed 8 rounds of chemo – it wasn’t too bad actually. The steroids are the worst part. I gained 25lbs. Was size 7 – now size 12! The last parts of chemo left me lactose intolerant – no biggy – its temporary – but to have no cheese is like major for me. I ended up in hospital (4 days) after about the fourth round of chemo – low white blood counts – that’s common and in hospital it was kinda fun because you can’t do anything but lay in bed and read and I have a husband and kids to look after so being on total bed rest was OK and I didn’t ever have to fight for the remote.

    So now my chemo is over and I have my surgery scheduled for June 11. Then I will be having five weeks radiation which may be cut to 2.5 weeks if I can get into a clinical trial where you have radiation twice a day. I’ll go for that. I’m fair skinned so I’m expected to burn to a crisp.

    The worst part for me is the psychological part. Nothing much is said about that on any support group, website or anything else. The psychological part of being physically mutilated and how that affects your relationship with your partner. I find that whole part just so sad, but no-one ever goes there. I mean Paul McCartney married an amputee, but she still had a full set of boobs.

    I also have a pair of twins. They are 11 (boys). That is a worry for me. My hubby can always find a new partner but my boys will never have another mother. Oh well, they will live a full great life in any event.

    I go from heh, I’m fine to I”M GONNA DIE days, and apparently that’s my new norm, according to my Doctors. I just hope they get some clean margins. If they do I may have a fighting chance. They saw some shadows on my liver as well, but they weren’t that concerned. We just got on with the chemo, and my tumour shrunk almost immediately. They feel that I have had a complete clinical response to the chemo. What E/R status is your tumour. You should know this and if you don’t know, ask your Dr that done the biopsy. This information is important. Mine is triple negative which is not good. That means that I cannot go on Tamoxifen or Herceptin following radiation. If I survive 2-3 years without a recurrence then I’ve probably beat it. I had A/C x 4 and then Taxotere x 4 and I will be having MRM followed by 25 radiation.

    I have done so much research on this shit, I’ve crammed for the finals. I swear I could do my own surgery given the proper tools.

    Keep me posted.

    Denise in Ontario.


    Man, I don’t know where to start, but thanks for all of that, both encouraging and useful.

    I’m sure having kids changes everything about this. They will live fully happy lives regardless, but it is definitely worth fighting for to give them a mom for longer.

    By taking a path that risks wearing myself out early instead of curing me, I feel like I’m only gambling for myself, and my boyfriend, who is old enough to have helped me make the decision to go for it…

    Reply
  2. Sara said, on June 21, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    hi, I just found your blog from Judy’s. I’m having a bilateral mastectomy at the end of August. Writing to ask for the password for your early posts. Best of luck and health to you.

    By the way I am in NJ and I have no idea where you are but it seems *very* unlikely that I’d know you in real life (seems like you want to know about that).

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you the best of luck and health.

    I emailed you the password and will probably email anyone else who cares enough to ask :)

    The password-protected posts are mostly mean or embarrassing stuff. After I started blogging about my cancer I thought there was some chance people I know might accidentally find me by googling my symptoms or something…

    Reply
  3. Moonbeam McQueen said, on December 12, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Amanda- Thanks for directing me to your blog. I’ve really learned a lot reading through it. Not just about breast cancer, but about you, and what an incredibly positive, strong person you seem to be. Congratulations on your marriage!!! May you have many years of happiness together.

    What nice things to say :-D
    Thank you so much!

    Reply

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